I could sense the undercurrent of anguished hope in your words. Believe me when I say that I understand and identify with you radically. What is our choice in life?
I can’t advise or tell you a way on how to go about it. Rather I can just share on how I’m going about it. Well hope is something I’ve lost hope on, at least when it comes to this particular aspect of life which you refer to. I’m literally living without hope of accomplishing anything in future, but just doing what I feel necessary for every individual to do. Though this process should’ve been started long long back but unfortunately for me it has started now.
Although I don’t want to presume in what context you mentioned glory, but I would like to think that by glory you meant, ‘Getting a sense of accomplishment in your own eyes and also, if not from masses, but at least getting recognition for your efforts and work in the eyes of people who are closely related to the kind of direction you chose in life.’ After all what appreciation can a dolphin get from a shark or vice versa. If this is what you meant, I agree that ‘we want glory’ but if it was meant in any sense other than what I just said, I want to alienate myself from that class.
Of course living in this world we have to give ‘survival through basic needs’ its due importance. And in doing that we totally depend on our individual circumstances. You know how much we differ when it comes to that. Please notice that I said ‘survival through basic needs’! I’ll address the way which I chose in two steps:
– One has to look at an overall situation he is surrounded by, economical, social, personal, psychological. And considering those one has to sacrifice accordingly. One has a liberty to gamble or to purely depend without regret on some aspect of these situations (no matter from where they derive support), which he/she thinks is strong. So I’ve to force you to ask yourself this question, which aspect of your life is strong, on which you can depend irrelevant of anything, even regret which comes with that gamble. Having find answer to that, take measures (even if they are drastic) and proceed onto the point from where you can breathe without any unnecessary pressure, even pressure of hope I must say should be carved out from life. And its extremely rare that you won’t find even a single aspect of your life to be stronger. If that is the case I’ll ask you to take extra pressure out from those aspects and re-ask the same question. Answer will be self-evident!
– Then comes the time of relaxing and self-contemplation. It is a time of annihilation, of those misbeliefs we hold, about life, our choices, ourselves and all those which are deterrent to our cultivation as an individual. It is the time to suffer for what supposedly looked true to us. It is time to unravel the gravest of all truth we hide from ourselves. It is time to see where we thought we stand and where in actuality we stand. It is time to cleanse ourselves and be reborn yet again. Doesn’t matter the time and physical space which in reality doesn’t hold any significance. Its only then when we will be ready to start afresh, not with any pre-cocieved notion of what I want to do, rather what I need to do. It is then we will look around, not with the glare of assumption or limited vision, that only makes us see from the veil of criticism, and makes us arrive at an edifice where we conceitedly hoister ourselves way above from others, but from a more extensive vision where we would find immensely substantial things happening of which we are yet not a part. Here lies a choice in life, for the first time we will be able to act upon our will, not from influence rather from what titillates us deep within to aspire for. It will be a fresh start with no ounce of chance to go astray, because no matter what the consequences, we will not be vulnerable to the factors that are not in our control.
I wish, even if surrounded by circumstances that makes you feel that you are stuck at the same spot, you’ll be able to at least figure out a way where you will advance despite the resistance, and thus cultivate and give meaning to your existence. You take care of yourself and be strong and contemplative.
Yours friend forever
April 28th, 2015